What is premature or rapid ejaculation?
Rapid ejaculation describes the condition where a man ejaculates (comes) too quickly.
In its severe form, the man comes before any direct stimulation of the penis occurs, just thinking about a sexually stimulating situation triggers his ejaculation. This is rare. It is more common for the man to ejaculate either during or very soon after penetration into the vagina or anus.
Just how too soon is too soon?
Studies have shown that most men ejaculate within 3 to 5 minutes after penetration. Obviously some men regularly last much longer than this just as there are men who regularly ejaculate much quicker.
The most important criteria of rapid ejaculation are that ejaculation occurs sooner than the man and his partner wishes and this is causing distress in their sexual relationship. It is important to take the partner’s wishes and expectations into account because what may seem rapid to the man may already be too long for their partner.
How common is rapid ejaculation?
Rapid ejaculation is the most common sexual problem affecting men.
Most men will experience rapid ejaculation on some occasions.This is nothing to worry about.
It becomes a problem only when it occurs during most sexual interactions. Studies show that up to 40% of men are troubled by this problem on more than an occasional basis.
At what age does rapid ejaculation occur?
Rapid ejaculation occurs at any age, but is more common in the younger man. The occurrence of rapid ejaculation can be related more to the novelty of the sexual experience ( i.e. new partner or a different situation) than to the man’s age.
What are the effects of rapid ejaculation?
Persistent rapid ejaculation can have detrimental effects on sexual functioning of both the man and his partner.
Often, the rapid ejaculator complains of reduced or even absent sensation of ejaculation. It can lead to inability to sustain an erection and loss of sexual desire. This is usually because the man becomes so preoccupied trying to control his ejaculation that it stops him being absorbed in the pleasures of the sexual act. Frequently the man reduces the length of time spent on foreplay and as a result his partner may not have sufficient stimulation or feels rushed.
Female partners may experience painful intercourse because of inadequate lubrication and this increase the man’s anxiety and leads to ejaculating even more rapidly then usual. Often, the overall result is reduced frequency of love making which again will make the man ejaculate more rapidly. Men who suffer from rapid ejaculation may avoid relationships or sexual situations. Men who have sex with men may avoid penetrative sex or establish being the receptive partner with anal sex.
What causes rapid ejaculation?
It is extremely rare for rapid ejaculation to be caused by a physical disease or conditions.
Most men in the first experiences of sexual intercourse tend to ejaculate quickly and often the situation in which these first experiences occur predispose to rapid ejaculation (e.g. a snatched few minutes with girl/boyfriend whilst their parents are out or in the back seat of a car).
As the man’s experience of intercourse increases and the environment in which lovemaking becomes more secure, the man learns to control his ejaculation. Some causes for a man’s failure to learn to control his ejaculation are anxiety, guilt and feelings of unworthiness as a lover. All of these negative feelings are made worse by repeated failures to control ejaculation which leads to further anxiety and deterioration. Any derogatory remarks made by the man’s partner, perhaps unintended to hurt him, compound the problem.
Most men if asked what part of your penis is more sensitive will reply, “I don’t know”, “all of it”, or “I’ve never really thought of that”. Men are not taught how to masturbate, thus there are many ways for a man to masturbate. Some men avoid sensitive area, or only touch these parts during masturbation when they want to orgasm. So when they enter their partner this maybe the only time that the penis is in a tight, moist environment and the man experiences a ” too sensitive” feeling and rapid ejaculation. This leads the man onto believing that he has no control over rapid ejaculation.
Some men masturbate by keeping their foreskin over the head of their penis. Thus when the penis is entering a partner a man experiences a “too sensitive” feeling leading to rapid ejaculation. Some men may have a tight foreskin or in the past have torn their foreskin or frenulum (where the foreskin is attached to the underside of the head of the penis) causes them to either be more sensitive or causing anxiety at the thought of being hurt again.
How can I overcome rapid ejaculation?
Most men can overcome the problem of rapid ejaculation, but many will require specialist help.
In the first place you should discuss the problem with your partner. Even though you feel that you ejaculate too quickly your partner may be perfectly satisfied with your “performance”. Some men find that if they increase the frequency of ejaculations, perhaps by masturbation, then they become less rapid.
A simple training procedure is to stimulate your penis (either yourself or by your partner) but stop stimulation before you ejaculate. Then rest for 30 to 60 seconds and then start stimulating your penis again stopping short of ejaculation. You should repeat this cycle of stimulation- rest- further stimulation five or six times before allowing yourself to ejaculate every time you masturbate on your own or have sex with a partner.
Some doctors are prescribing an anti-depressant which has a side effect of retarding ejaculation. Anti-depressants have not been government approved or trialed for the treatment of rapid ejaculation.
Sex shops sell delaying products; are they helpful?
Products sold in sex shops or by mail order have not been properly evaluated. The products usually have a local anaesthetic component which reduces sensitivity when applied to the penis.
What if I cannot overcome the problem myself?
You should consult your doctor or a sexual health counsellor. Your doctor maybe able to give you helpful advice or refer you to a specialist. There is a new drug on the market in Australia for premature ejaculation.
Fact Sheet: Impotence Australia
Raelene Stokes is WA Coordinator for Impotence Australia and she specialises in Men’s Sexual Health. Raelene has help many men and their partners for over a decade regarding premature ejaculation.